Photo by Doug Finstad
by Michael Shaw
Original article appeared on LinkedIn August 31, 2017
Prologue: I began this thread on a different social network and was surprised by the quantity and types of responses. This caused me to consider how the inputs and interpretations of the information presented below might vary depending on those using the different mediums. Enjoy!
Army Guilt: Real or Not
In a discussion this afternoon surrounding work habits, a colleague brought forth a term I have not heard before but wholeheartedly have adopted, "Army Guilt". During the discussion, it did not take me long to acknowledge that I suffer from and envy those who have the ability to ignore/avoid Army Guilt. How many of us that have grown up in the service watched those who came before us become successful while sacrificing everything else for the sake of the job? How many of us have adopted those same attitudes when it comes to our jobs? How many of us have heard the phrase "do as I say, not as I do" when it comes to a work/family balance? How many senior leaders their mass quantity of use or lose leave days as a badge of honor? While not all these descriptions fit each and every one of us, I theorize that many of my peers, seniors, and subordinates that strive to be successful in the Army suffer from some form of Army Guilt. While this infliction can and does assist in one's drive to succeed, there are others that battle with their alarm clocks regarding scheduled PT as opposed to getting up at a deliberate time. While others endure the term "should" in their daily thoughts and verbal lexicon, as in "I should of" or "I should be". While still others find it hard to take leave during non-holiday periods. Still others, with all their work complete, sit at a blank computer surfing the internet because their boss has not left for the day. I believe that Army Guilt is real and unintentionally passed on from senior to a subordinate. Some may view this guilt as a right of passage, the idea that they suffered so those who come behind them should. Others are perfectionists and will diddle with a 75% product because it could be 85%. In the end, there is always more work than there is time. There is always something else that could have been done or a PowerPoint brief that could use a final touch. The bigger question is where do you draw that line?
With the exception of those few bosses out there who are keeping track of the hours their subordinates work, how many of us have been told they could not go home because of a project or because emails were left unanswered? How many have been turned down for typical leave opportunities? During how many counselings (if you actually were counseled; another topic altogether) or evaluation out briefs has leadership told you that you are working too many or too few hours? The struggle is real, yet the struggle is internal and left to the individual.
There are always times when work requires blood, sweat, and tears and in the "Profession of Arms", at times, it requires all three but in that other 95% of the time, when there is no risk to mission or risk to force one must take time to self-reflect and identify, how much of your day is driven by the projects and the task and how much is driven by the presence of Army Guilt? How often do you have to talk yourself into leaving for the day if your teammates and boss are still in the office? How many times have you justified to yourself that the extra time in the office is just in case the boss needs something?
The Plot Thickens
Now, if you are taking time to read this, how many are doing so on your government issued blackberry or iPhone? How many have that phone on their nightstand because of the late night email or phone call? How many are walking around with two digital electronic leashes in our civilian attire with a Common Access Card reader at home for your personal computer in case you need Webmail access for those digitally signed/encrypted PowerPoint slides that the phone won't display (we all know that guy). You know what I am talking about. We self-generate a belief of self-importance with respect to the positions we serve. And, regardless of how important those jobs may be, the truth is, if we were not able to serve in our current capacity, the Army would find someone else or the team would adapt. After all that is the what the Army seeks, intelligent problem-solving individuals who can work with little guidance and direction and yet accomplish each daunting task. Again, "do as I say", we are all expendable and the mechanism that is the Army will continue with or without us. I do believe that because of such dedication by so many that the Army is a better place for all Soldiers who serve, however, if we become so riddled or consumed by internal Army Guilt we eventual burn out and are replaced or get fed up and walk away.
Where To From Here
With the introduction of this term into my lexicon today, I believe I now have a better understanding or a better way to describe why I feel like I "should" be at the office before my boss. Why I "should" know everything about a subject before my boss or peers. And why I "should" be willing to put everything in my personal life on hold to accomplish one more briefing. I love my job, I have even told my wife I feel this is more of a calling than a J O B. But, this is the first year in 16 years of service that I took the day off work on my wedding anniversary to spend with my wife. Again, a personal choice and not something the Army owes me, but a decision none the less that was so out of character that my beautiful bride was taken aback (in a good way) by my decision. But I tell you all, the guilt was real and it took a concerted effort on my part to make that simple decision. Heck, the idea to take the day was not even mine. I heard a peer talking about possibly taking the day for his anniversary and I simply copied the idea. Ironically, he ended up not taking the day. Guess what, the Army went on, my boss didn't bat an eye, and my wife and I were able to enjoy and celebrate a very special day together. In the grand scheme of professional decision and time management debates I know that a wedding anniversary day off does not rank high in statistical collection efforts but the struggle that I went through to just take that one day is worth noting.
Additionally, another colleague offered me some advice after reading my initial submission on this topic. 1) You will one day leave the Army, make sure you don't leave your family in the process 2) A 70% product now is better than an 85% product in three days and 21 Soldier hours and 3) Know your audience, for they set the pace. I bet many of you reading this article could add a few more such as 4) Do as I say not as I do 5) You need to make time to reset and recharge and 6) Family is #1. While I do not disagree with any of these notes and several of them I have heard throughout my career, what I responded to my colleague with was "Ok, how do you make any of that happen"? If I have heard these bits of knowledge for 16 years and yet I am riddled with Army Guilt what are my subordinates thinking and how are they acting? I certainly have stood before groups of Soldiers and repeated many of these same adages, yet when we look at success in our service many of these kernels of insight are not applied or might very well plateau one's career.
One example of Army Guilt that summarizes much of what we have discussed thus far took place during my Command and General Staff College (CGSC) summer class of 2012-2013 when myself and just over 1000 fellow field grade officers sat in the large auditorium listening to a retiring Lieutenant General speak on what he had learned over the course of his career. His thesis for us aspiring field grades was "Family First". He described how he regretted three major personal events throughout his career that still sit with him today. He told my class that it was only in the twilight of his career, after the holidays sacrificed while being in the field at his discretion, the years away from his family because of numerous deployments he felt he should be part of, and the missed family occasions because the Army came first, that he realized he needed to find a new personal and professional life balance. The dissolving of his first family, the alienation of his kids and other such events taught him that it was not the Army that made him strong, rather those he loved that surrounded him on a daily basis. What I believe seemed to escape him at that point in his lecture was that without all those sacrifices, all those years deployed, all those choices of the Army vs his family he would not be on stage giving us his story. He learned these lessons as a General officer, not as a Lieutenant. If that young Lieutenant disregarded his Company Commander's "suggestions" to miss family events because it might "impact his career", that Lieutenant General might very well have been one of the Colonels leading a small group at CGSC and not pontificating on the Army Guilt he overcame after 30 plus years of service.
Simple and Sweet
All that to say, be self-aware, take notice of your actions and make sure they are yours based on what you need to do vs. what you think you "should" be doing. There are those individuals that have found that happy middle ground, seek them out and learn from them. I wager, those same folks who have found peace between the needs of the Army and their personal life have gone through the very same struggles discussed above. Only, they have found enlightenment before us all!